September 19, 2007
FDA Creates Scandinavian Sperm Shortage
Does the FDA really think that imported sperm create a risk of spreading Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease?
Cryos International, based in the Financial District, has gone to seed because the Food and Drug Administration banned sperm samples from 30 countries to prevent the spread of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, a rare, fatal disorder caused by eating beef contaminated with mad-cow disease.
Two years after the measure, Cryos has run out of offerings from such prized blond Norsemen as "Oluf," "Dagh," "Finn," "Ingi," "Jorn" and "Ante."
Speaking as someone who really appreciates blue and green eyed women I protest yet another example of overregulation by the US Food and Drug Administration. The Nordic blond hair and blue eyes are in short enough supply as it is. Why make the problem worse?
Sperm banks should consider opening up offices out in the upper plains states to recruit Nordic men. Some genetic testing could even provide genetic measures of just how Nordic is each donor.
Wow! Apparently this means that I actually have a purpose in life - as a nordic stud in America! I've always been looking for a way to turn my hobby into a business. Good-looking Scandinavian blondes don't need to worry about crazy FDA import restrictions with me. I can cut out the middle man! I can even make house calls! Of course, my nordic blonde wife might not like it but I have to pay the bills somehow...
Seriously though, it just doesn't make much sense to me when there are zillions of Scandinavian-heritage men in the US that people would bother trying to get sperm from overseas. Perhaps they do a better job of screening the donors over there? I could easily imagine that in the US that at least some of the people interested in anonymously "donating" this sort of thing might be a little odd and prone to lie about medical history, etc... But maybe the process is much better than that.
I'm not sure it'd be useful to try to genetically verify some sort of pseudo-scientific norse heritage when what people are REALLY after is to get a donor that looks like they do so everyone thinks that their kid is theirs. Simply looking at a picture of the donor can verify that. But I think it would be quite useful to screen for common defects affecting this population that are or are likely to be at least partly recessive like cystic fibrosis, poor skin pigmentation making sunburns very severe, MS susceptability, and the inability to understand why lutefisk is disgusting.